This is getting hard

I had to stop what I was doing to jot down my thoughts. 

This is getting hard~

People say parenting is the hardest thing but the most rewarding thing we do in life ~ 

I think I’m starting to understand the hard part

Sure I have had my freak out moments  with two babies. Both crying and screaming….. I have experienced those sleepless nights, where PARKER is awake at 1AM and then ELLE at 3 and PARKER again at 5 then ELLE up at 6 for the day; or where both kids, my husband and myself have all been sick,  or those days when PARKER will only sleep if he is being held but ELLE wants to held the equal amount of time. 

News flash…. 

That’s not “the hard” that people are taking about 

I was putting my sweet Elle to bed tonight and i gazed at her face. I stared and stared and she has changed. 

She has grown, she is older, she has a new presence and a new role. I tricked her into letting me hold her like a baby tonight while putting her to bed- and I tried my hardest to see that baby in there. It was hard, i covered up her hair and just wanted to see her big eyes, cute small nose and mouth full of teeth. Doing that- I could almost barely see that baby Elle. 

She isn’t the only one anymore, she is the big sister and she will be 3 this year. 

I am quickly learning what the hardest part of parenting is.  

The hardest part is letting go! 

Spring has sprung again- and how crazy that it’s April of 2015 already.  

 

Cooper, Elle and PARKER-2014 picture credit – Andrea Dozier’ Photography   

Meet Keir

I have been more than absent in writing on the blog, but my life has been more than crazy these past couple months and sitting down to write just hasn’t been on the agenda.

Shawn and I both have new jobs, I work for a different company and he received a promotion at work!!! We sold our house, moved and have been consumed with updating our current home to our liking. Shawn has started back at school during the night, and we had a BABY!!!

Meet Keir 🙂

* I’m rocking him as I write this!! He was due on 12/26, and I soo desperately wanted him to be after Christmas, but he was so excited to see SANTA (said in Will Farrell’s voice on Elf) that he decided to come Christmas morning. He arrived at 8:55a.m. Weighing a perfect 7.7… My favorite number!
Like Amelia, he was a natural birth, but I didn’t get to have him in the water also because his heart rate dropped as soon as I got in.

P. S. Photo credit above to the ever amazing Andrea Dozier : andreadozier.com

If you live in this area and need a photographer, she’s your gal! Since Shawn and I got engaged she has documents all of our family’s major events and I love it because her style is consistent and perfect for us! Recently when she was taking photos of Keir she told me how someone said she needs to pick a specialty to photograph like; weddings, newborns or commercial… I told her I disagree and that if she did she’d be limiting herself. I’m glad she doesn’t just do weddings because who would photograph my babies??

So update on Keir, the new AND LAST addition to our family! He’s perfect, and wonderful- but I’m his mom so of course I’m going to say that! He likes to be held, but what newborn doesn’t? He even will sleep with one eye half open so he can continually check on you to see if you’ve laid him down!
His cheeks are super squishy and kissable, but not as full as Amelia’s.

Speaking of Amelia the adjustment has been better than I expected. She doesn’t really pay attention to him, but does know his name and every time she see him she says, “Hi Buddy!” She literally repeats everything I say.

If she sees him sleeping in his bassinet, she will be quick to remind you to be quiet by saying, “shhhh!”

He sleeps pretty well, let’s me know the second, literally second he has a wet diaper and wants it off, and likes his back to be patted so hard to sleep that if I did it in public, someone might call child services.

His eating on the other hand, well that’s a whole new subject.. So I’ll start another paragraph.
I’m more of a private person, and discuss things just between my immediate “circle” of family and friends. With Amelia I really struggled with breastfeeding because she had reflux, the pediatrician put me on a non-dairy diet so I wasn’t eating which equals not enough milk production. I nursed her for 6 weeks and for those 6 weeks she cried and cried and cried some more. But I felt like a bad mom if I had to supplement or completely switch to formula. I thought it was wrong and that I was a terrible mother if I didn’t. But I was so unhappy, and so were Shawn and Amelia so I decided to switch to formula. With that decision came so much guilt. Why wasn’t I successful?

With this guilt I acquired with Amelia, I was more than determined to breastfeed Keir. Then he was actually here. To save from all the details of my struggle and nursing him, I was reliving Amelia’s early weeks of life…. Nursing for literally hours, him crying and never being satisfied, and my family and myself being miserable. So with that being said, I came to the determination that I HATE nursing. I think the bond you form with your baby is awesome, but it isn’t for me… So here comes more guilt again. Until my photograph and friend Andrea sent me an article from Marie Claire that said my my decision to not nurse, but instead pump and feed him as well as supplement is Completely OK. And I will say that everyone in this household is much much happier!

It’s funny, because I don’t have the guilt that I thought I’d have, but I don’t because I have to take care of myself and happiness so that I can take care of my family. Sometimes the guilt tries to creep in, but then I think of an article that Abby sent Sonia and I a coupe days ago. You can read it here for a confidence booster : http://www.coffeeandcrumbs.net/blog/2014/7/25/bqysx2mx6gbotqv8sxfkqlrmgk2ie7
My favorite quote that I tell myself daily is, “I’m one hell of a mother.” In fact, we all are because we’re doing the best we possibly can!

Xo
-Jillian